Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
