There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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