Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I have fence marks all over my body
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
