call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i dont even know how to be here
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
