Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
