The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
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Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
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Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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