my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
