Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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