Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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