Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
