my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
