He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
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Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
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When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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