Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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