I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
