It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
