i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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