He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
How does it feel to date your dad?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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