I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
