Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
