I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
