you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
