how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
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Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
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We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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