I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
