I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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