I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
