Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
