good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
