really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
