All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
