We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
