Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize