every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
