I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
