he told me I talked like a deaf person
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
