He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
