What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
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She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
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His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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