Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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