I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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