OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
