we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Someone shattered a urinal.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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