i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I can't put those talents on a resume
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
