CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
