Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize