he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
this just has baby written all over it
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
