You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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