We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
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Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
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