Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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