Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
