So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
