id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
