Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Randomize
