Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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