don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
