At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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