Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Where is the hickey?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
