i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
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Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
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I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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