don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
