She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
