sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
