I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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