i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
