You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
