I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
40s are totally the cure
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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