You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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