You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
